Wednesday, March 10, 2010

January 30, 2010

12/19/1989 - 1/30/2010
This is the day that has forever changed my life. My son Cj passed away. He was 20 years old and left behind a beautiful 6 week old daughter.

This is the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. I do not know how I will survive it but as of right now I take it one day at a time. Some times one hour at a time. I have had some good friends that have stood by me and some friends and family that never check in.

I know its hard for them..They do not know what to say. They ask me if I am okay? Okay? Seriously how is one okay when you lose your child. The one you grew and birthed out of your body? Am I living? Yes. Am I getting up each morning because I don't have a choice? Yes.

I miss Cj like crazy. I think the first two weeks I was kind of numb. The numbness has worn off and now I just have to go on.

Please don't be afraid to mention my son. CJ is his name and remember I LOVE to hear the memories. Some are very funny. I am having a hard time looking at pictures right now too. They hurt to much.

I love you Cj! You are forever in my heart and in my mind. I think of you every day and many times through the day. I know you are watching over us and I KNOW that I will see you again. I can't wait until then.