Monday, December 19, 2011

Happy Heavenly Birthday CJ

Today is my son's birthday...He would be 22 today this is a picture of his 20th birthday. The last birthday we got to celebrate with him. The day before this his daughter was born and over night we had a LOT of snow. I made a big deal about going to see him on his birthday. So we piled in the truck and headed an hour away to the hospital. We took CJ subway and cupcakes.

This is how we celebrate now...its not a celebration at all its a remembering. We went to the Memorial park and put balloons on his grave It was so cold today.

This life is so hard. I don't want to have this life. I want the life I had before that fateful day. I never imagine 22 years ago when I was giving birth this is where I would be now. I will love you always and forever CJ. You were the best son and nothing will ever change that.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Happy Birthday Callie Paige

Today is my granddaughters birthday. Callie Paige turns 2! We had her birthday party at Chuck E Cheeses yesterday. The place was crazy never again...Too many children

Callie and her PaPa

Cecil, Brittany, and I decorated CJ's grave for Christmas it was so cold today!



I hate that we have to do this because my son should be here. This life is surely not fair. But we do this together as a family and that is so important too.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

December 17, 2011

Hello, I haven't been here since Father's day 2010. The last year and a half has been a lot of emotions and still is a lot of emotions. Above is a picture of my two favorite girls. My grandaughter Callie and my daughter Brittany.

Today is my granddaughter Callie's birthday party. She will be turning two tomorrow. She is my son's daughter. He only got to be in her life for 42 days before he left this earth. There are so many emotions. Because tomorrow is her birthday and then Monday would be his 22nd birthday.

Callie is a sweet, adorable, funny and smart girl. She has so much of her dad's personality that is weird. That is where the miracle of God comes in...and how he helps to create a child and take a little bit of each parent and put it in them. Because she surely didn't learn how to be like him when he isn't here.

People tell me all the time you are so strong. I don't know how you do it. I do it only by the Grace of God he gets me through each and every day. Some of those days I cry alot some of those days I don't. Some of the days I even laugh. I am grieving and from what I hear it will always be this way. Some days are easier and some may be hard.

Going to do my best to get through this day if I cry its okay.